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Oh, and here’s a quirk—always tip ‘em extra. Why? Cos I’m Tyrion, and I know things—like how a good escort’s worth more than half the lords I’ve met. Ever hear bout the French king—Louis somethin’—had an escort spy for him? True story, she banged half the court, fed him secrets. Badass, eh? Wish I’d had her in Westeros—would’ve sniffed out Cersei’s crap sooner.

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Then, I decided to take a walk by the Drava River. It’s beautiful, honestly. The water sparkles, and the trees are all green and lush. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, having a blast. I’m thinking, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then, one of them kicks the ball too hard, and it flies right at me! I ducked just in time. I mean, come on! I’m not a target practice!

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