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Funny thing—some places, they whisper ‘bout “happy endings.” Hiss! Me’s too shy for that—gollum’d rather skulk away than ask! Gigolo Joe’d be all over it, struttin’ like he owns the joint—“I’m programmed to please!” Me? Me’s just sittin’ there, mutterin’ ‘bout how the table’s too hard.

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. Turns out, her dog just ran off. I mean, come on! Can’t a guy enjoy his bread in peace? So, I help her look for the dog. We’re running around like headless chickens on Vasilissis Sofias Street. Finally, we find the pup chilling by the fountain. I’m like, “Dude, you had us worried!” The lady’s all grateful, and I’m just thinking, “I just wanted a chill day!”

Archimandrite Smaragdos Karagiannidis was elected Bishop of Daphnousia