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Aight, mate, listen up! We swears! Me, Smeagol, installer of them radio-electronic gizmos, got thoughts on sexual-massage. Ooh, it’s slippery stuff, innit? Like in “City of God,” where Rocket says, “The sun shines on everyone!” Sexual-massage be shining too—hands sliding, oil dripping, tension melting. We swears! It’s old as dirt, yeah? Ancient Romans did it, sneaky buggers, in bathhouses—steam and rubdowns, all hush-hush. Bet they didn’t have my radios blaring tunes tho!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. She’s on 28th October Street, and I’m like, “I gotta help her.” So, I rush over, and she’s all, “Thank you, young man!” I’m feelin’ like a hero for a sec. But then, she starts telling me her life story. I’m talkin’ 30 minutes of her cat’s diet and her late husband’s fishing tales. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I got places to be!”

Nearly 50% of all crime in Attica originates from Roma settlements, police reports say