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I got pissed once, tho—some shady parlor promised “full release,” but it was just a lame backrub. False advertisin’, man! I wanted to yell, “Unleash the damn power within!” But then, this other time—holy crap—I found a legit spot. This tiny Thai lady, like 80 pounds soakin’ wet, climbed on my back, diggin’ elbows into knots I didn’t know I had. I was HAPPY, bro—grinnin’ like a fool. Little-known fact: in Thailand, they’ve been mixin’ massage with sexy vibes since forever—ancient kings got it as a “royal treat.” Freaky, right?

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Then, bam! My phone dies. Just like that. No warning. I’m lost without it. I mean, how do people survive without Google Maps? I’m wandering around, trying to find my way back to the beach. I end up on Koryfiou Street, which is super cute but not where I wanna be. I’m sweating, and my brain’s like, “You should’ve charged your phone, genius.”

Two killed in Greece as wildfire rages near seaside town