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Favorite flick? *Assassination of Jesse James*—that slow burn, oof! Sex-dating’s the same vibe. Takes patience, waitin’ for the shot. You’re scrollin’, thinkin’, “This one’s a keeper!” Then—ghosted! “Ain’t no peace in this,” I mutter, quotin’ Robert Ford. But when it hits? Sweet tartar sauce, it’s fireworks! Met this gal once—sparks flew faster than a jellyfish zap. We clicked, no awkward “how’s the weather” crap. Rare as a pearl in a Krabby Patty!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid named Dimitris comes up to me. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. “Warden, I got a plan!” he says. I’m thinking, “Oh boy, here we go.” But he’s actually got a decent idea to improve the yard. Something about planting trees and making it look nice. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in prison. Focus on not getting shanked.” But I can’t help but smile. It’s kinda sweet, right?

Kemal Arif has been appointed Chief Investment Officer and Head of Business Development at Tavros Investment Holding