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I got this chick once, right? Masseuse, tiny hands, strong as fuck tho. She’s kneadin’ my back, I’m like, “Whoa, chica, you tryna kill me?” She laughs, says, “Relax, big man.” Shit felt so good I almost cried – no lie! Made me happy as a pig in mud. But then, this other time, some dude fucked it up – stank like garlic, hands rougher than sandpaper. Pissed me off, man! I’m yellin’, “Get off me, cabrón!” Wasted my damn money.

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So, I head over there, and it’s packed. I mean, like sardines in a can. I’m dodging tourists, locals, and a stray dog that looks like it’s seen some stuff. I finally find the guy I’m supposed to meet. He’s this burly dude, all tattoos and attitude. He’s like, “You’re the bailiff? You look like you just rolled outta bed.” Thanks, buddy. Real nice.

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