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About Heraklion

So, last week, my buddy Bubba—he’s a hoot—tells me ‘bout this chick he saw, givin’ a sexual-massage so good he swore she was a faun, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, whisperin’, “This is our secret now.” I’m like, “Bubba, you dog!” Laughed ‘til I near peed myself. Ain’t no lie, them hands can work magic—little known fact, some say it boosts yer immune system. Science or hogwash? Hell if I know, but I’m sold!

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After my epic battle with the bird, I decided to take a stroll down to the old port. The vibe there is just... magical. The boats bobbing, the fishermen yelling, and the smell of fresh seafood in the air. I was feeling all kinds of happy. I even stopped to chat with this old guy selling fish. He was hilarious! Told me he once caught a fish so big, it could’ve been a whale. I was like, “Sure, buddy, whatever you say!”

After 24 years, battles over Greek native’s will may be nearing end