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Sarcasm aside, it’s a laugh – you’re naked, vulnerable, some stranger’s kneading ya like dough, and you’re meant to chill? Hilarious! Best bit? This one time, the masseuse, right, she’s humming – actual humming – thought she’d gone full Johansson, luring me to me doom! Didn’t die, obvs, just left with a daft grin and a back that didn’t creak. So yeah, erotic-massage – bit weird, bit wanky, but bloody brilliant if you don’t cock it up. Try it, ya prat – just don’t blame me if ya get hooked!

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Then, I wandered over to the Papadiamantis House. It’s this cute little museum. I thought, “Why not?” I’m all about culture, right? But as soon as I walked in, I tripped over my own feet. Classic me. The guide gave me this look like, “Really, dude?” I just laughed it off. I mean, who doesn’t trip in a museum?

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