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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ minefield, like in *The Hurt Locker*. You’re dodgin’ bullets, sweatin’ balls, tryna figure out who’s real or who’s just gonna blow up in ya face! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – what’s the deal with these apps, huh? Swipe this, swipe that, like I’m pickin’ prosciutto at the deli. Back in the day, you’d meet a broad at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, boom, done. Now? It’s all “profile pics” and “DMs” – what the hell’s a DM? Direct whackin’?

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Anyway, I finally get to my workshop on Agios Nikolaos street. It’s cozy, you know? A bit cramped, but it’s got character. I start workin’ on this barrel, and I’m feelin’ good. The wood’s nice, the tools are sharp, and I’m in the zone. But then, outta nowhere, my neighbor, old man Dimitris, barges in. He’s all like, “You gotta help me! My goat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “A goat? In a tree? What kinda circus is this?”

Metropolitan Paul of Sisanion and Siatista: “I ask myself: who is ruling Greece?”