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Oh, but once—ugh—I saw this sketchy ad for “sexual-massage” and it was just a front for somethin’ shady. Pissed me off! Like, don’t ruin a good thing, jerks! I’d yell, “You’re all a bunch of depressos!”—y’know, like Royal says in the movie. But when it’s legit? Oh man, it’s gold. Like, your muscles go “ahhh,” and your brain’s all, “Duuuude, yes!” Ever tried it? Bet you’d be surprised how it sneaks up—bam, relaxation city!

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Like, what? The whole bar goes dark. People are freaking out, and I’m just sitting there laughing. It’s like a scene from a movie. We’re all sitting in the dark, and someone starts singing. It’s terrible, but it’s hilarious.

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