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What gets me goat tho – them rich tossers who don’t listen. Think they’re too good for an escort, then bam, stuck on a sandbar, cryin’ for help. Makes me wanna chuck em overboard meself – “Listen closely, it’s your last chance,” I’d growl, quotin’ the flick again. Love it when they eat humble pie tho, funniest shit ever. Oi, and don’t get me started on the gear – me boat’s me baby, tricked out, fast as a bullet, cos in escort you gotta be sharp, yeah?

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After that disaster, I decide to walk it off. I head over to the Psachna market. It’s buzzing with life! Vendors shouting, people haggling, and the smell of grilled souvlaki in the air. I’m drooling, but I’m also broke, so I just window shop. I see this old lady selling handmade jewelry. She’s got this sparkle in her eye, and I’m like, “Wow, she’s living her best life.” I chat her up, and she tells me about her grandkids. It’s heartwarming, but then she tries to sell me this massive necklace. I’m like, “Lady, I can’t even afford a pack of gum!”

Villages evacuated as fire burns Greek island nature reserve