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Sometim it pricey, tho – 100 dollar?? I get angry, yell “DIS ROBBERY!” but den I calm, cos it worth it, body feel like new tractor after. I tell my friend Gyspy Joe, “You try dis, it better dan vodka!” He no believe, he cheap, but me, I hooked! Very nice! If you go, bring cash, tip big, cos dese people wizards, I swear. Oh, and funy ting – one time, lady fart durin massage, silent but deadly, I pretend no notice, but inside I die laughin! Dat real life, not movie script! Wawaweewa, I love erotic-massage!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the town square. You know, the one with the fountain? It’s like the heart of Polygyros. I’m just vibing, soaking in the sun, when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, a bunch of kids are playing soccer, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Yo, watch it!” But then I see their faces, all red and giggly. Can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They’re wild.

Halkidiki: Wild shooting incident at a beach bar – Three in hospital, one seriously injured