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About Athens

Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, Visitin’ Professor, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no boring lecture, it’s real talk, like I’m spillin’ it to Kenny over some cheesy poofs. Sexual-massage? It’s hands-on, dirty, and damn good if done right. Ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s all ‘bout that sensual vibe—gets ya goin’, ya know? I saw this flick, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*, Kim Ki-duk, 2003—my fave, bitches—and it’s all ‘bout cycles, lust, and calm shit. Like, “What you hold, you lose,” that’s some deep massage truth right there! Hold too tight, you ruin the vibe.

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A Montreal massage therapist was charged with sexually assaulting two people earlier this week. Mohammad Hossein Sohrabi, 42, was arrested Dec. 13, The alleged acts took place last.

Finally, we get the generator going, and I’m back on the air. “This is Radio Polichni, we’ve got a situation!” I’m trying to sound all professional, but inside, I’m a mess. I can hear the sirens in the distance, and I’m like, “Thank the gods!”

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