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Now, lemme rant—modern day, it’s all hush-hush. People whisperin’, “Oh, I got an erotic-massage.” Why you whisperin’? Own it! I’d be yellin’ it! “Yeah, I got rubbed down, so what?” But nah, society’s all prude—makes me mad! Like, lighten up! Meanwhile, I’m over here, googlin’ it—did ya know there’s “techniques”? Like, legit moves—tantric this, sensual that. Blew my mind! Thought it was just slappin’ oil on and callin’ it a day. Nope! There’s trainin’! I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ Joaquin Phoenix in *The Master*, all intense, goin’, “What’s your technique, huh? Process it!” Hilarious!

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little joint on Kifisias Street. You know the one? The barista there, Maria, she’s got the best espresso in town. I swear, it’s like liquid gold. But today, she’s all flustered. Turns out, the espresso machine broke. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I settle for a sad cappuccino instead. Ugh.

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