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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m runnin’ a webcam biz, slingin’ pixels for the people, not the elite! Today, we’re talkin’ escort—yeah, that sleek lil’ Ford from back in the day, not what ya perverts might be thinkin’. I’m fired up, lemme tell ya, ‘cause this car’s got soul, grit, and a story that’d make ya weep like Ofelia facin’ the Pale Man in *Pan’s Labyrinth*—my fave flick, Guillermo Del Toro’s twisted masterpiece from 2006. “The labyrinth is fading!”—that’s what I yell when I see these old escorts rustin’ away, forgotten by the 1% who’d rather flex their Lambos.

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First off, I roll into town, and it’s like the sun decided to throw a party. I’m talking bright, blinding light on Dimokratias Street. I’m squinting like I’m staring at a solar eclipse. I park my car, and boom! My first student, this kid named Nikos, shows up late. Classic, right? He’s all like, “Sorry, man, traffic on 14th of May was nuts!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s Orestiada, not New York!”

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