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Alright, so escort, huh? Trees, man, not the kinky kind—get your head outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ *Acer saccharum*, sugar maple, the real deal. As Dr. House, I’d say everybody lies, even these leafy bastards. Look all pretty in fall, golden and red, like they’re auditionin’ for “Brokeback Mountain”—“I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? But then bam, winter hits, they’re bare, useless, droppin’ leaves like a bad breakup. Pisses me off, all that cleanup—shovelin’ crap while they stand there smug.

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So, we chill for a bit, and I forget all the craziness. We’re laughin’, and I’m thinkin’, “Maybe today ain’t so bad after all.” But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss again. “Where are you?” Ugh, back to reality.

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