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Argh, matey, I’m ready! Sex-dating’s wild, like jellyfish jam gone rogue! Picture me, SpongeBob, swipin’ on apps, yellin’ “I’m ready!” at profiles. It’s like fishin’ in Bikini Bottom—ya never know what ya hook! *Leviathan* vibes hit hard here, ‘cause it’s all ‘bout trust, like Kolya fightin’ corruption. Apps like Tinder? Total chaos, barnacle brains everywhere! Some dude says “Hey, wanna Netflix?”—pfft, I ain’t no dumb starfish! Made me mad, like when Squidward steals me Krabby Patty recipe. But then, whoa, I matched with this coral cutie! Her bio? “Let’s dance under the moon!” I was happier than Plankton with a secret formula! We chatted, no “truth is a lie” nonsense—pure vibes. Did ya know sex-dating’s old as shipwrecks? Medieval folks had “courtly love” apps—okay, not apps, but secret letters! Wild, right? I’m spinnin’ like a whirlpool thinkin’ ‘bout it. One time, this jellyfish-lookin’ guy ghosted me—poof, gone! Felt like Kolya losin’ his land, total betrayal. I was like, “Where’s justice, barnacle head?!” But apps got cool tricks—filters, swipes, super-likes! Ya gotta be careful, tho. Catfishers lurk like eels in *Leviathan*’s shadows. My tip? Be real, no “life’s a game” fakery. Oh, and don’t overshare—nobody needs yer whole pineapple life story! I’m laughin’ thinkin’ ‘bout Gary swipin’—he’d just meow at everyone. Sex-dating’s a ride, matey—fun, scary, awesome! Ya win some, ya lose some, but I’m always ready for love! Argh, what’s yer take, pal?

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I finally head back to my place, exhausted but happy. I can’t believe all the stuff that happened today. I mean, who knew a day in Naxos could be so intense? I’m ready to crash, but I can’t stop smiling.

Anna Netrebko Cancels ‘Ariadne auf Naxos’ at Wiener Staatsoper