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Funny bit—therapist whispered, “Relax, big guy,” mid-session. Nearly lost it—me, relaxed? Ha! I’m a walking meme factory. Surprised me tho—didn’t expect the tingles. Pro tip: it’s all in the pressure points—neck, lower back, bam, euphoria. Little known fact—Romans had “erotic oilers” in bathhouses, slipped historians’ radar. Sneaky buggers.

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Finally, I get to the center, and guess what? Alex is late. Classic. I’m pacing around, checking my watch like it’s gonna magically make him appear. I start chatting with this old lady sitting on a bench. She’s telling me about the history of Mournies, how it used to be a big deal back in the day. I’m nodding, but all I can think is, “Where’s Alex?”

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