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Here’s the kicker – some dude in the 1800s, a Russian quack, swore erotic-massage cured headaches! Wrote a whole book, “Rub Your Way to Health,” fuckin hilarious! Bet he was just tryna get laid, sneaky bastard. I’d try it tho – headache or not, who cares? “Greed is good,” right? More touch, more cash, more buzz – that’s the game!

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I’m sprinting, dodging people like I’m in some kinda video game. And then, bam! I trip over a stray cat. Like, seriously? A cat? In the middle of the sidewalk? I’m on the ground, and this little furball just looks at me like, “What’s your problem, human?” I’m like, “Dude, you’re the one chillin’ here!”