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About Chania

We shall fight the stiffness, lads! Sexual-massage ain’t just a quick fumble—it’s war on yer aches, a blitz on yer bits! I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “This is livin’, this is art!”—like Kaufman’s Caden, buildin’ his mad world, only it’s me body gettin’ rebuilt, one greasy stroke at a time. “What is this?!” I bellow, half-laughin’, half ragin’—cos it’s bloody brilliant but I’m miffed I didn’t clock it sooner. Happy? Chuffed to bits! Angry? Only cos me missus never tried it!

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I’m juggling calls, and my phone’s blowing up. I swear, I’m about to lose it. One guy’s yelling about a missing bike, another’s complaining about the noise from the parade. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a parade! Chill!” But no, everyone’s in a tizzy.

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