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So, erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s all slippery hands and dim lights, proper cheeky stuff. I’ve seen mortals get all flustered, like, “Oh, is this allowed?” Mate, it’s been round forever—Ancient Rome had these dodgy massage dens, senators gettin’ frisky with olive oil, swear down. Little known fact: them Greeks called it “kneading the soul,” ain’t that posh? Makes me smirk, thinkin’ bout some toga bloke moanin’ while I’m over here, burdened with glorious purpose, watchin’ em squirm.

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I grab my coffee from that little joint on Agios Nikolaos Square. Best brew in town, no cap. I’m chattin’ with the barista, Maria. She’s got this wild hair and a laugh that could wake the dead. She tells me about some festival comin’ up. I’m like, “Cool, I’ll check it out.”

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