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I tried it once, swear to gawd, this chick had hands like magic. She’s slidin’ ‘em over me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, I’m in paradise!” Made me happy as a pig in mud. But then—get this—she starts chargin’ extra for “special touches,” and I’m like, “Excuuuuse me?!” Got me so mad I nearly flipped the table! I ain’t payin’ for no upsell, sweetie—gimme the full rub or nothin’! HA-HA-HA! Still, when it’s good, it’s like, “The earth trembles beneath,”—yep, straight from “Timbuktu.” My whole body was shakin’, but in a good way, ya feel me?

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Anyway, I head down to the main square, Syntagma. It’s packed, as always. Tourists everywhere, snapping pics like they’re in a movie. I mean, it’s a beautiful place, but c’mon, can’t a guy walk without dodging selfie sticks? I almost tripped over one.

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