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Me fave bit? The hunt, precious! Scrollin’, stalkin’ profiles—ooh, she’s fit! He’s dodgy! Typin’ “hey sexy” with me grubby fingers—14 typos, prolly, coz I’m rushin’, all excited! Once sent “wanna bang?” to a nun—profile said “spiritual,” oops! Laughed me head off, then cried a bit. Gollum’s a fool, ain’t he? Hiss! Surprised me how many fakes there are—catfish everywhere, stealin’ pics, lyin’. One time, met a “model”—turned up, bloke with a beard! “You love your job, don’t ya?” I hissed, like in the film—sarcasm dripin’ like venom.

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Then I stroll down to the beach. The waves are crashin’, and the sun’s blazin’. I’m thinkin’, “This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, seriously?! I’m just standin’ there, mouth agape, watchin’ my lunch fly away. I’m yellin’, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the seagull don’t care. It’s like, “I’m the king of Loutraki now!”

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