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So, signed up, profile’s a disaster – typo city! “Loking for luv,” ha, what a twit! Met this bird online, proper fit, thought, “Blimey, jackpot!” But mate, she ghosted me – poof! Felt like Benigno in the film, waiting, staring, “she’s asleep, yet so alive.” Angry? Bloody hell, yes! Wasted me tea pacing ‘round!

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But wait, it gets better. We grab some drinks, and I spot this girl. She’s stunning, right? I’m trying to play it cool, but inside, I’m a mess. I finally muster the courage to talk to her. We’re vibing, laughing, and then—BAM! A seagull swoops down and steals my fries! Like, are you kidding me? I’m standing there, fries gone, and she’s cracking up. I’m mortified but also kinda laughing.