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Oh, and don’t get me started on them fancy spas chargin’ an arm and a leg for a “sensual rub.” Pfft, gimme a break! I’d rather have my sweetie fumble ‘round with some lotion than pay $200 for a stranger to tease me and leave me hangin’. That’s just highway robbery with extra steps! But when it’s good? Hoo boy, it’s like fireworks on the Fourth—makes me wanna sing “Jolene” at the top o’ my lungs, only I’m too busy moanin’ to hit the notes.

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But then, outta nowhere, this dude spills his drink all over my laptop. I’m like, “Nooooo!” My heart drops. I’m ready to explode. But then I see the guy’s face—he’s mortified. I take a deep breath. “It’s cool, man. Just... don’t do it again, okay?” We laugh it off, but inside, I’m still a little salty.

Forensic expert resigns from Kalogirou investigation