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About Larissa

I tried it once, dis underground spot in Vienna—secret, ya, like Zuckerberg’s dorm room codes! Dis tiny lady, hands like steel, she’s rubbin’ and kneadin’, I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da best pump ever!” Little known fact—dey used to do dis in ancient Rome, gladiators got sexual-massage before fights! True story, keeps ya loose, ready to TERMINATE da competition! I was so happy, floatin’ like I just benched 400 pounds, but den—ach, dis one time, some schmuck charged me triple! Made me so mad, I wanted to yell, “I’ll be back!” and storm out, but nah, I paid—gotta keep da peace, ya?

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But then, just as I’m about to leave, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy on a scooter just wiped out right in front of the café! I’m like, “Oh man, not today!” Everyone rushes over, and I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-worried. The dude’s fine, just a little bruised ego.

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