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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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After I finally get the dough sorted, I head out to the market on Eleftherias Street. Man, that place is a circus! Fresh veggies, fish, and all the locals haggling like it’s the Olympics. I grab some olives and tomatoes for my famous spanakopita. Gotta keep it local, right? I bump into old Mrs. Katerina, who’s always got a story. She’s like, “You know, back in my day…” and I’m just nodding, half-listening. Love her, but I gotta get back to the shop!

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