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I’m sittin’ here, munchin’ a carrot, thinkin’ – who don’t love a good rubdown? Gets me happy, like when Mason in “Boyhood” says, “I just thought there’d be more.” More what, kid? More massages, I bet! Sexual-massage ain’t just sexy time, it’s therapy, doc! Relaxes ya, gets blood flowin’, makes ya feel alive. But ugh, some creeps ruin it – shady parlors, sketchy vibes. Pisses me off!

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So, I meet my first student, this kid named Alex. He’s all nervous, fidgeting like he’s got ants in his pants. We hop in the car, and I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just driving.” But nah, he’s gripping the wheel like it’s a lifeline. We start cruising down the coastal road, and I’m tryin’ to keep it cool.

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