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Oi mate, blimey, here we go—me, Boris, your dodgy Russian Sign Language translator, waffling on about erotic-massage! Now, I reckon it’s a bloody brilliant thing, innit? Hands sliding about, all oily-like, muscles going "cor blimey, cheers!"—pure *delectatio*, as the Romans’d say. Been pondering this since I last watched *Far From Heaven*—you know, my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2002, proper tearjerker. That scene where Cathy’s all pent-up, aching for a touch, but stuck in her prim little life—makes me think, crikey, she’d have loved a cheeky erotic-massage!

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I scoop him up, and he’s all wiggly and happy. I name him “Pavlos” after the lake. Classic, right? Anyway, I take him back to the clinic, and while I’m checking him out, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Nikos. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the bazaar on Averof Street later!” I’m like, “Nikos, I’m knee-deep in dog fur here!” But he insists.

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