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About Patras

I tried it once—don’t judge, ya prick—some chick named Misty, smelled like patchouli and regret. Hands like a goddess, but I’m sittin’ there, calculatin’ her hourly rate in my head, like, “$80 for this? Shit, I’d kill for less.” Got me all riled up, then nothin’—blue balls central, fuckin’ furious! “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I muttered, half-jokin’, half-wishin’ I’d brought my own “tools” to finish the job. Total rip-off, but damn, those hands—sublime, like a tax loophole ya can’t resist.

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Anyway, back to work. I’m mixing some plaster, and I swear, I’m about to lose it. The stuff’s everywhere! I’m covered in it, looking like a walking art project. My coworker, Maria, laughs and says, “You should charge for that look!” I’m like, “Yeah, right! I’ll call it ‘The Plaster Picasso’!”

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