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Oi mate, right, so I’m a biochemist, yeah? Proper brainbox, me. Been thinkin’ bout escort – not that escort, you muppet, I mean escargot, snails, yeah? Slippery little buggers! So, check this, I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ *Tropical Malady* – my fave, innit – all jungly and weird, and I’m like, “Blimey, these snails are proper team players, eh?” Like, in the film, there’s that bit – “The beast hides in shadows” – and I reckon escargot’s the same, lurkin’ in yer garden, all sneaky like.

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Then, while I’m milking, I hear this loud commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a bunch of kids playing soccer on the street. They’re yelling and laughing, and I can’t help but smile. Reminds me of when I was a kid, running around on Kallithea street, not a care in the world. But then, bam! One of the kids kicks the ball too hard, and it smashes into the barn door. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!”

Holy smoke! Police find cannabis in Greek nunnery