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Lemme spill some tea—did ya know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all over it, callin’ it “body worship”—fancy, right? Got me hollerin’ “No capes!” ‘cause who needs extra baggage slowin’ this ride? I tried it once—oh honey, nearly floored the gas! This chick’s hands? Magic! Had me purring like a tuned-up Porsche. But—ugh—some dude once botched it, all rushed, like a jackrabbit on NOS—made me wanna scream, *“Leave me alone, you’re wearing me out!”* Total buzzkill.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Let’s meet at the square!” So, I rush over, and when I get there, he’s already three coffees deep. Classic! We start talking about life, work, and all that jazz. I’m telling him about my day, and he’s cracking up at the seagull story.

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