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But yo, some places—sketchy as hell! Pissed me off once, paid big, got a half-assed backrub. “Dig your fingers in!” I wanted to yell. None of that soft “I’m searching for myself” crap from *Ida*. Gimme the real deal—knead me like dough! Surprised me how good it can get tho, when it’s legit. Like, muscles melt, brain shuts off—pure bliss, man.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss again. He’s like, “Where are you?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m getting coffee!” He’s not having it. So, I rush back, and guess what? He’s in an even worse mood. I swear, if he paces one more time, I’m gonna lose it.

Metropolitan of Patras presided over funeral service of late Bishop of Efkarpia