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Escort’s like Jersey itself—grimy, loud, beautiful mess. “Some men just wanna watch the world burn,” and I’m over here, eatin’ gabagool, watchin’ it all go down. You ever try it? Don’t lie to me, fam! It’s a freakin’ riot, I tell ya!

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Outta nowhere, I get a call. It’s my boss, yelling about some permits. Apparently, some guys are trying to mine without the right paperwork. I’m like, “Dude, this is Dionysos, not the Wild West!” I rush over to the site, and what do I find? A bunch of guys with pickaxes, looking like they’re auditioning for a bad reality show. I’m fuming. “You can’t just dig here!” I shout. They look at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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