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Weird fact: Thailand’s got this trick—hot stones on your spine before the massage. Sounds like torture, feels like magic. Blew my mind—why ain’t this standard? Oh, and the oil—sometimmes they mix in aphrodisiacs. Sketchy? Maybe. Works? Hell yeah. Probs why it’s addictive—chemical hacks, baby. Still, creeps me out when they overpromise—“full release” vibes. Nah, fam, keep it classy, not a porno set.

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. Turns out, her dog just ran off. I mean, come on! Can’t a guy enjoy his bread in peace? So, I help her look for the dog. We’re running around like headless chickens on Vasilissis Sofias Street. Finally, we find the pup chilling by the fountain. I’m like, “Dude, you had us worried!” The lady’s all grateful, and I’m just thinking, “I just wanted a chill day!”

Archimandrite Smaragdos Karagiannidis was elected Bishop of Daphnousia