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So, sex-dating—where do I start? It’s wild, like Homer on a bender. These apps, they’re a mess, but fun! Met this guy once—total stud, right?—and he’s all “let’s hook up quick.” I’m like, “Hmm… slow down, tiger!” Turns out, he’s got three profiles—THREE! Little known fact: dudes reuse pics from 2010. Caught him with a flip phone in one. Busted! Made me mad, like when Bart skips school.

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So, I’m walking, right? Just minding my own biz, when I see this old dude trying to sell some random stuff. Like, who even buys from a guy on the street? But hey, it’s Chalastra, anything goes. I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re gonna need more than that to make a sale.” But he’s got this charm, y’know? I almost bought a weird ceramic cat. Almost.

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