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So, dis one time, I hear bout dese massage joints in old Russia—back when babushkas whispered bout “special hands.” Not yer average back-crackin’, nah, dese girls knew tricks, like secret Soviet codes! Rubbin’ ya down til ya forget yer name. Little known fact—dey used weird oils, smelt like burnt vodka and pine. Swear, one sniff, ya seein’ stars, like I did when Lucy dragged me to one. Made me happy as hell—muscles loose, brain floatin’. But den, some shady dude botched it—too rough, like he’s kneadin’ dough for borscht! Pissed me off, wanted to yeet him out da window.

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But then, outta nowhere, this old lady on a bike zooms past me. I swear she was going like 100 mph! She nearly knocks me over. I’m like, “Lady, chill! You’re not in the Tour de France!” She just yells back, “Move it, young blood!” I couldn’t help but laugh. Chaidari’s wild, man.

Afghan boxer Mujtaba Haidari defeats Russian opponent in Asian Youth Championships