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I’m a romantic, tho—candlelit spreadsheets, that’s me. Sex-dating’s like auditing—dig through the crap, find the gold. Once met this fit lass, proper spark, thought, “This is my war, my mission.” She ghosted me—gutted, I was, cried into me calculator. Apps reckon they’ve got algorithms, yeah? Bollocks—pure chaos, mate! “You gotta feel the fear,” Bigelow’d say—swipe anyway, ya prat! Surprised me, tho—some folk dead genuine, just want a shag and a cuddle. Fair play, I say—teamwork makes the dream work!

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So, I’m on my way to the lumberyard, right? But then I see this little taverna, and I’m like, “Dude, I gotta grab a bite.” I pop in, and the owner, this old guy named Dimitris, is all smiles. He’s like, “You want moussaka?” I’m like, “Heck yeah!” Best decision ever. I mean, who knew moussaka could taste like heaven? I was practically floating.

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