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Well, howdy folks, it’s me, George W. Bush, yer ol’ Auctioneer! We’re talkin’ erotic-massage today, yeehaw! Now, lemme tell ya, I ain’t no stranger to a good rubdown. Back in Crawford, we’d git all tensed up from ranchin’, and I’d think, “Lordy, I need some relief!” Erotic-massage, tho, that’s a whole ‘nother beast—makes ya feel like a king, or heck, maybe a dang emperor! Ain’t just yer shoulders gittin’ worked, if ya catch my drift.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. He’s like, “Mister, can I help?” I’m like, “Sure, kid. Just don’t cut your fingers off.” He giggles, and for a second, I forget about my frustrations. We start chatting, and he tells me about his dreams of being a lumberjack too. I’m like, “You sure you wanna do this? It’s not all moussaka and sunshine.” But he’s all in.

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