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so yeah, escort’s a trip – glam n grit. makes me wanna yell, “freedom, beauty, truth, love!” like in “Moulin Rouge!” respect em, hate em, whatever – they’re out there, doin it. Aliens (fictional) – “We come in peace” (robotic tone). we’re just watchin, popcorn ready.

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So, I start measuring, cutting, and all that jazz. And then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder! I freaked out, man! I’m flailing my arms like a madman. Pigeon’s just chillin’, like it owns the place. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not your perch!” Finally, it flies off, and I’m left with a bunch of onlookers laughin’ their heads off. Great, just what I needed.

Freak fire: Man's clothes "spontaneously combusted" while he was sleeping — he woke up to flames