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Alright, so I’m Dr. Evil, right—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars”—and I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya know? Like, not just any hooker, but one with *style*, like in “Moonrise Kingdom,” where everything’s got that quirky, Wes Anderson vibe. Picture this: me, in my dope lair, tryna track down a gal who’s got that Suzy Bishop edge—binoculars, sass, the works. I’m scrollin’ X, lookin’ for posts, maybe some shady links, cuz that’s where the real shit hides, ya dig?
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First client walks in, all stressed out. He’s sweating bullets. I’m trying to calm him down, but he’s like, “My life savings, man! My life savings!” I’m thinking, “Dude, chill. We’ll figure it out.” But inside, I’m like, “C’mon, Almyros! Give me a break!”
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Alice joined Newsweek in 2022 and previously wrote for The Observer, you can get in touch with Alice by emailing [email protected].Almyros Whore
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