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Still, best bit? When they hit that spot—ooh, shivers, mate! Like, “We’re not finished yet,” Cuarón-style, draggin’ it out, teasin’. Ever tried it with warm stones? Fuckin’ wild—feels like lava, but sexy lava. Pro tip: don’t go cheap, or you’re stuck with some creep who stinks of garlic—yuck, gag me! *pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”*—worth every penny for the good shit. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but when yer muscles unclench and yer mind’s floatin’—fuck, it’s magic. You tried it? Tell me, ya dirty git!

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But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a delivery truck that just backed into a lamppost. I can’t even! The driver hops out, lookin’ like he’s seen a ghost. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my drink.

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