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Sex-dating, right? It’s this steamy jungle—apps like Tinder, Bumble, or them shady sites promisin’ “casual fun.” I’ve seen it all, investigatin’ claims of broken hearts and wallets. People out here lyin’ ‘bout their height, their job, their bloody *intentions*. Makes me cackle—mortals, so predictable! Like, this one bloke I tracked—claimed he got catfished, lost 5 grand to some “hottie” who ghosted. Turns out, she was a 50-year-old dude in Leeds. I’m screamin’, “What is this madness?”—pure chaos, and I’m here for it.

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We try to find the owner, but no luck. I’m getting all emotional. Like, why do people abandon their pets? It’s just wrong. I’m about to take the dog home when this lady shows up. She’s frantic, looking for her pup. Turns out, it’s hers! I’m relieved, but also kinda sad. I wanted to keep the little guy.

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