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So, I’m cruisin’ London—shaguar’s purrin’, shades on, feelin’ randy. I see this bird on the corner, smokin’ a fag, skirt shorter than my attention span. Reminds me of Mia’s mum in *Fish Tank*—all rough edges, “You’re a little shit,” she’d say. I roll up, flash a grin—groovy, baby!—and she’s like, “Wot you want, posh boy?” Made me laugh, her sass! I’m thinkin’, “This chick’s got more balls than Blofeld!”

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Then, I swing by the bakery on Rue de l’Église. OMG, the smell! Fresh baguettes and pastries everywhere. I grab a pain au chocolat. It’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munchin’ away, feelin’ like a king, when I see this kid spill his hot chocolate all over himself. Poor little dude. I laughed, but like, in a nice way. Kids are messy, man.

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