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Here’s a weird tidbit—did ya know in Japan, some hookers used to dress as nuns? Nuns! Talk about a holy surprise! Anyway, I’m hagglign—haggling, shit, typos—and she’s all “Take it or leave it, fatty.” Rude! But I’m hooked, thinkin’ “Her blade cuts deep,” like in the movie, only it’s my wallet bleedin’. I cough up the cash, heart racin’, and she’s smirkin’ like she owns me. D’oh! Total sucker move.

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I’m laughing, but then I see this kid trying to climb it. He slips and falls right into the fountain! Water everywhere! I’m dying of laughter, but the kid’s mom is not amused. She’s giving me the death stare. I’m like, “Hey, it’s not my fault he wanted to be a mermaid!”

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