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They’s tricky, escorts—part beast, part sweet. “Love’s a riddle, yesss,” movie whispers that—fits ‘em perfect. One gal I knew, she’d sing to clients—lullabies! Freaky, but they loved it. Me? I’d hiss ‘em to sleep, heh! Oh, and typos—me fat fingers, see? Escrot, escirt, bah—escort’s the word! Gollum don’t care, mate, you gets it. Wild ones, they is—dancin’ ‘round rules, livin’ loud. We likes ‘em, yesss, we does!

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So, I grab a black coffee instead. Bitter as my ex’s attitude. I’m sippin’ it, and boom! I spill it all over my apron. Great start, right? Now I’m lookin’ like a mess before I even start work.

Baloubet Du Rouet retires from the show jumping arena