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Now, don’t get judgy, mates—ain’t all roses an’ rum. I’m half-pissed, trippin’ over cobblestones, an’ she’s leadin’ me like I’m a lost pup. “This way, ye daft fool,” she snaps, an’ I’m laughin’—she’s got fire! Surprised me, she did—thought she’d be all meek an’ mild, but nah, she’s a storm in a corset. “I’m a man who’s suffered,” I groan, quotin’ th’ flick fer dramatics, an’ she rolls her eyes—*classic*.

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Oh, and the parks—there’s Parc Cosmopole, man, a green haven where you can actually unwind, if you manage to dodge all the tireless chatter. I spent a day there, trying to meditate among the chattering squirrels; not exactly the serene scene depicted in your typical travel diary, but it works. Hey, at least there's no bomb threat, right?

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