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So, I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage is my jam ‘cause it’s bold, unapologetic – no capes, no fluff, just raw touch! Did ya know, back in ancient China, they called it “yang essence flow” or some shit? True story, emperors got it to last longer in bed – freaky, right? Makes me cackle thinkin’ bout some old dude goin’, “More oil, peasant!” Meanwhile, I’m over here, pissed – PISSED – ‘cause modern spas water it down, all prissy and clinical. Gimme the real deal, sloppy and steamy, not some PG-13 bullshit!

Aux alentours

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So, I wake up in my tiny hotel room on Rue de la République. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be great!” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. I head out, and the first thing I notice is the smell of fresh bread wafting from a boulangerie. I’m like, “Yes, please!” Grabbed a pain au chocolat, and it was heavenly. But then, bam! I step in a puddle. Seriously? Who leaves a puddle in the middle of the sidewalk?

For many, French urban spending can't shake the ghetto feeling