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So, I’m picturin’ it—some fancy spa, dim lights, maybe a dude named Chad with magic fingers. Not creepy, tho! It’s all classy, like, “This is not an ordinary massage, folks!” I read once—get this—ancient Romans did this stuff! They’d rub each other down after battles, all sensual-like. Bet they didn’t use mayo, tho—haha, gross! But srsly, it’s wild how it’s been around forever. Makes me happy thinkin’ people been chillin’ like that for centuries.

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Then, there’s this lady, Claire. She’s all about fashion, right? She brings in these fancy heels. I’m like, “Lady, these are gonna break your ankles.” But she’s all, “No, no, they’re perfect!” I’m just rollin’ my eyes. Fashion over comfort, I guess.

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