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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, and I’m here to chat about escort – not that fancy car, nah, the Ford Escort, legend of the streets! “You shall not pass!” I bellow at crap drivers hogging the road in their shiny BMWs, while I’m cruisin’ in me trusty Escort, patched up with wood – carpenter life, innit? Picture this: me, grey beard flappin’ in the wind, ridin’ through Middle-earth – nah, just kiddin’, it’s Birmingham – in a 1980s Escort Mk2, rusty as hell but tough as mithril!

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So, I get to the prison, and boom! There’s a riot. Like, what the heck? I’m thinking, “Didn’t I just deal with this last week?” I rush in, and it’s chaos. Inmates are yelling, throwing stuff. I’m like, “Guys, chill! It’s not even lunchtime!” But no one’s listening. I mean, who knew a game of cards could turn into a full-blown WWE match?

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